Village Idiots Part 1

Emma
Emma's twat is packed with natron, and her
skull is inhabited by crazymites.
Emma isn't happy unless she is unhappy.
She spends every available hour in P1
bemoaning the imaginary health crisis du jour,
trying to catch unsuspecting men to cheat on
her husband with, and iggying anyone who
won't fuel her perpetual misery machine.
Special Powers: Desperation. Never shutting the
fuck up. Will never die.
Penis Shrinking Ability: +11
Attention Whore Level: 8.5
Group Affiliations: The Brain Stumps, The Cum
Curdling Crones

Lighteningpaw
A barely literate simulacrum of a man who chats
like he is getting paid for it. But he can't even
get paid for doing THAT.
Paw lives off the minimum wage earnings of his girlfriend Drummy and started squirting out children when he was 13.
What a man, what a man, what a mighty good
man.
Special Powers: Misspelling three letter words.
Rupturing ear drums. Eating boogers like they
are going out of style.
Vagina Drying Ability: +20
Attention Whore Level: 3
Group Affiliations: The Brain Stumps, Womanly
Men And The Manly Women Who Love Them

Fairydrum
Aforementioned minimum wage earner
supporting the only man she can catch with
spoiled snapper.
Fairy has the voice of an angel. If the angel were
being garroted with a rusty ukulele string while
gargling with turpentine.
Special Powers: Stinking. Stocking shelves
faster than a speeding snail. Donating boogers
to Paw's collection.
Penis Shrinking Ability: +10
Attention Whore Level: 3.5
Group Affiliations: The Brain Stumps, The Cum
Curdling Crones

Alabaster
Hates "Left Hand Pathers'' "Niggers" and any
woman with a fully functioning womb under the
age of 70. Evidently, they threaten his impending beatification, his supply of pig's feets and cherry Kool Aid, and his fragile sense of his own womanhood.
Special Powers: Getting iggied by anyone under the age of 70 with fully functioning womb and or testes. Being repetitive.
Vagina Drying Ability: +22
Penis Shrinking Ability: +22
Attention Whore Level: 9.6
Group Affiliations: Womanly Men And The Manly Women Who Love Them, The Cum Curdling Crones, NAMBLA

Willowstar/Grace/Deb
Getting married while not yet divorced, replacing the kids she lost to CPS with brand spankin new genetic defectives, and salving her chronic chat ass is all in a days work for our lil Deb.
We don't know where she finds the time, but, job well done, Deb.
Special Powers: Tripping and falling. Giving Deartard a run for her money.
Penis Shrinking Ability: +7
Attention Whore Level: DEFCON 1
Group Affiliations: Future Crones of America, International Brotherhood of Morons, The Brain Stumps